epic-humor: shutupmerlin: ‘THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO MARKET’ OH GOD IT’S NOT TO BUY FOOD, HE WENT AS FOOD. THE LITTLE PIGGY WENT AS FOOD.
magicconchshell: is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
oneflamingo: are you a clown because you are cirque du so lame
vexarion: ifyoucarryonthisway: i need a job where i work one hour a week and i get paid a thousand dollars a minute
doodlesbytara: hey bud *wraps you up in a blanket* i know today might have been hard for you *ruffles your hair* but you made it through the day *boops your nose* you’re doing such a good job *kisses your forehead* and i am so proud of you
dickfaerie: adding a period on the end of everything makes it sound sarcastic lol. haha. youre so funny. youre so hot. of course i dont hate you.
disneyprincest: i hate when you voluntarily tell your parents some information about your life because you think you can trust them and then they bitch at you for it like congrats you have guaranteed that i will never tell you anything ever again
tom-sits-like-a-whore: whenever weird shit happens to me i don’t even question it i just walk away because i will not be one of those people in the first 30 seconds of Supernatural no sir no ma’am
harleyquinn394: i-dont-understand-that-reference: danisalmostonfire: i-dont-understand-that-reference: i-dont-understand-that-reference: today in science class we were talking about thunderstorms and we looked out the window and there was a storm in the distance so i quietly whispered “the oncoming storm” and the kid behind me banged his knee on the desk and choked i think i have found...
nicolaswindingrefn: luckyspike: like ok hannibal is always making really nice meals and eating really fancy food does he ever just go home after work and like stare at his freezer full of body parts and just “you know i don’t really feel like human tonight. im gonna have a hot pocket.” #whispers hot pocket in jim gaffigan voice
littlemusicalwitch: stolenpandorica: elisetheawesome: kyoukokiriqiri: why do we call periods “periods” when we can call them something cooler like “bloodstain fever” or ”the crimson horror” are u guys okay No. We’re experiencing the great purge
broadway-aradia: i really want to carry a torch in a cave just like one time
A horrific, tragic terrorist attack happened today...
bethumps: a man who’s believed to be a serving soldier was hacked to death and they at least attempted to behead him. the two attackers were shot by police What upsets me is that tumblr seems to forget that the news exists.
niallhortonhearsawho: a girl walks into a classroom wearing a spaghetti strap shirt. immediately every boy within a 50 yard radius gets a raging erection. the teacher attempts to present a lesson but to no avail, no one can hear over the sound of every male student masturbating to this girl’s shoulders. why couldn’t she just wear a long sleeved shirt
victor hugo: *writes fifty pages about the history of the parisian sewer system*
victor hugo: *writes seven chapters about the landscaping and daily routine of a convent*
victor hugo: enjolras doesn't need a first name
dampsandwich: vagisodium: dampsandwich: im not 21 please dont say the A word around me. anchovies great im going to be grounded now i hope your happy
That awkward moment when someone can't pronounce...
laugh-addict: You are like: And they are like: